Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
