i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
