Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
