Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
