we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
