Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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