A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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