I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
