OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
