The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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