Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
