oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
