Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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