Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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