I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
