I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
