Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
