I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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