someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
