I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
All the doctor said was why
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
