How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
