My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
