good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
