i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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