1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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