she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
