It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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