Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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