I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
