he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
