Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
