I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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