are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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