I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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