im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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