sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
