thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
