so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
