Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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