do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
