toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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