I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
