Where is the hickey?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
