im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
