You work out of a Hotel?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
