Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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