Dual....:-)
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
