Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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