i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
