Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
