there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize