I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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