We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Randomize
