i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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