Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
