i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
