I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
